Good parenting techniques. Are they taught or learnt?

There seems to be no end to television programmes trying to teach us parenting skills or good parenting techniques. Super Nanny and Nanny 911 spring to mind. But if there is a demand for television programmes teaching us how to parent our children, the question that begs to be asked is: what did parents do before the media stepped in to tell us how to parent our children?

When did it become necessary for television “experts” to come into the family home and watch toddlers and preschoolers having tantrums and ask in that wry Dr Phil fashion“how’s that working for you?”

The answer is fairy simple. The need for the TV expert arrived when the extended family fell apart. In years gone by it was common place for family to live in fairly close proximity to one another. Grandparents, Aunts and Uncles took a fairly active role in caring for children and if a child misbehaved then, punishments were swiftly dispensed and the legitimacy of the punishment from a family member was rarely, if ever, questioned. Even neighbours, were able to discipline unruly children with out fear of retribution or consequence. In fact they saw it as their social duty.

As western society becomes more and more fearful about their offspring, welfare and children become the most important and central focus of the family unit (sometimes at the detriment of other relationships), parents have found the need to seek out the “expert” guidance of those educated in parenting matters. Ironically some of these so called experts are not even parents themselves, but a diploma or TV programme gives them the expert label and the viewing public lap it up.

In generations gone by, parenting skills were handed down from one generation to the next. Of course there are many parenting techniques, that should not be repeated. No one is advocating that an abusive parenting cycle should be repeated. However, perhaps as parents we should have more confidence in our own ability to do the right thing and rely less on the dispensed wisdom of the TV guru.